What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.