Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.