I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.