Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.