What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees