The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!