The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor