What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet