I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess