Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance