Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.