I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.