Why did the bunny go to the hospital?
Because he needed a hopperation.
“URINE: opposite of ‘you’re out.'”
“I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up.”
My friend gave birth in the car on the way to the hospital
Her husband named the kid Carson.
What did the doctor say to the nurse that was attractive to the patient with the staph infection?
"Why are you so abscess-ed with him?"
Nurse: Wow, that cut looks pretty bad...want me to stitch it up for you?
Me: No, thanks.
Nurse: Fine. Suture self.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital.
He was on a fairway to heaven.
“He was wheeled into the operating room, and then had a change of heart.”
A patient came to the ER with a rash. I told her it was an allergic reaction and that I'd prescribe her steroid cream. She asked me if she'd be discharged soon.
She was really itching to get out of here.
Who's the nicest guy at the hospital?
The ultrasound guy
Why did the nurse need a red pen at work?
In case she needed to draw blood.
Me: I have an appointment to see the doctor.
Nurse: which doctor?
Me: No, just the regular one
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it:
Doctor: I have good news and bad news.
Guy: "Whats the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: OMG, and the good news?
Doc: You now have a tic tac toe.
Patient: ‘Doctor, I’ve swallowed a spoon.’
Doctor: ‘Sit down and don’t stir.’
There's a German butcher around the corner from the hospital.
Just in case someone takes a turn for a wurst.
My doctor didn’t show up to the appointment about my hairline.
He said it got pushed back
I met a Russian nurse, she was employee of the month, I asked if she'd won anything. She said "Da, award."
Man: "I’ve had really bad gas lately." Doctor: D"on’t worry, it will pass."
Maternity ward nurse asked my wife if she needed to go to the bathroom.
She says, "yeah, I could stand to pee."
I said, "No, you should probably still sit so it doesn't get everywhere."
Nurse: You can come by at 6 today. Very little patients today.
Man: What happened to the normal sized patients?
Why did the Meteorologist go to hospital?
He was feeling under the weather.
Wife was in the hospital and the nurse said she was calling the doctor to put in an IV
When he showed up, I said to him "I thought there'd be four of you".
Why did the little birdie go to the hospital?
To get tweetment.
What is a nurse’s favorite element?
Healium.
What did the nurse at the blood bank say to the nervous patient?
B positive
I rushed to my local hospital only to find that it had been converted into a library
Talk about having to suffer in silence
Why was the doctor doing diarrhia research scared?
He had seen some sh*t go down.
Why did the house go to the doctor?
It was having window panes.
Did you know that doctors that perform circumscisions don’t make a lot of money for those operations?
They only get paid in tips.
How does herpes get out of the hospital ?
On crotches.
“While I was in the doctor’s waiting room, there was this tiny man, only about six inches tall. Although he was there before me, he let me see the doctor first. I suppose he just had to be a little patient.”