Can’t wait for the first married woman to walk on the red planet.
Just so I can ask if there’s wife on Mars.
My grandparents disowned me after I joined the trades as a brick-layer.
They eventually reconciled after I got a promotion, but still consider me as a meh-son.
I got a parking ticket today and my husband just laughed.
He thought it was a fine joke.
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?
Because it's in a fish aunt.
Why did Comic Sans divorce Times New Roman? He just wasn’t her type.
Two candies had a beautiful wedding. They were truly mint to be
What do you call Mary J Blige’s accommodating Irish cousin?
Mary O’Blige.
I broke up with my partner on our front stairs.
It was a stoop end to the situation.
I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes a long way.
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
What is the only American State that has ever been married?
Mrs. Ippi.
Shoutout to my grandparents...
Because that's the only way they can hear me.
Two metal workers got married....
It was a beautiful welding.
Once a year, I take my family on a tour of various nuclear facilities.
While my kids like it, my wife says it’s just a power trip.
Twin brothers just had a birthday
One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.
My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.
I told her I’d look into it.
My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday… said maybe they'll marry each other.
Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age!
Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don't work out.
Just bought my wife a refrigerator, for our Anniversary:
Cannot wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum.
Two white bears got married, but soon ended up unhappy and got divorced.
It’s as if they were polar opposites.
Who is the penguins favourite aunt?
Aunt Arctica
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
Never marry an archaeologist!
They're always digging up the past.
"It's been an emotional day," said the groom. "Even the cake is in tiers."