What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
In my grandparents time, an orange was considered a treat from Santa. Now kids want an apple.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta.
I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes a long way.
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
My fiance is kidding... She's due in 7 months!
Did you hear about the notebook who married a pencil? She finally found Mr. Write.
My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
I just told my family a pun about bees.
It was so good that everyone gave me hive fives.
What do time and space have in common with family?
It's all relative.
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
Marriage, it has a nice ring to it.
The fiance and I were looking at frames for our wedding photos. My wife couldn't take her eyes off the smaller one, but I wanted the larger one. So I told her,
"Honey, you need to look at the bigger picture."
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
How do you get a farm girl to marry you?
Fertilizer.
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
Why did the Math teacher get a divorce?
He substituted his wife for an ex.
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank...
Was a monster!
Two pebbles washed up on the beach. One says to the other, "Are you married?"
Other replies, "No, I'm shingle."
What’s the only thing divorce proves?
Whose mother was right in the first place.
Did you hear about the couple that split up over coffee?
The lawyer said there were grounds for divorce.
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum.
Don’t let your grandparents have daughters.
That’s how you get aunts.
Mr. and Mrs. Turner had a baby girl.
They named her Paige, and they just couldn't put her down.