My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.