What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy