Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
I couldn't chair less!
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console