I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.