A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
I couldn't chair less!
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"