Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
Nothing really mattress.
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
I couldn't chair less!
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it