What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
Nothing really mattress.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered