What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.