My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
I couldn't chair less!
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
Nothing really mattress.
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy