Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.
Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
Hey baby, you know what sounds good? You and me never speaking to each other again.
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
Whoa, Heaven must be missing an angel! Because you’re dead to me.
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
Let’s make like an atom, and split.
You looked better when I was drunk.
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
What’s the difference between me and your socks? I’m not yours anymore.
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
Are you an astronaut? Because I need some space.
We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we’re on a serious break.
Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
Baby are you an angel? Because I'm a atheist.
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.
Hey Pumpkin, I just wanted to say that I'm done with having Halloween every day.
Do you happen to know sign language? Because this is the last time you’ll hear from me.
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
Dinosaurs represent our relationship, because they both don’t exist anymore.”
I think we need to become better strangers.
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now.
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.
I think this has been said somewhere else.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
I think we need to become better strangers.
Can we still share a netflix account?
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.