Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
Girl, If you were a fruit you'd be a can't-elope.
I'm not gay but I'll learn.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can you do the same?
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
Hey, babe. I think it's time we take our relationship to the previous level.
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because honestly, Karen, you are a demon.
I really like you. So does my wife.
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You made my life a mess
Please call a clean-up crew
Let’s make like a banana and split.
What’s the difference between me and your socks? I’m not yours anymore.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.
What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.
I think this has been said somewhere else.
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Girl its been fun
But im leaving you
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
Whoa, Heaven must be missing an angel! Because you’re dead to me.
Are you a fire alarm? because you are really freaking loud and annoying
I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
Do you happen to know sign language? Because this is the last time you’ll hear from me.
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
The mothership has returned and I must leave.
Hey baby, you know what sounds good? You and me never speaking to each other again.
Hey, baby. I'm calling myself Han because you need to be Solo.
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.