Roses are red
And you gotta go
Because I found out
That you is a ho.
You are so right. And I am so left.
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can you do the same?
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
Dinosaurs represent our relationship, because they both don’t exist anymore.”
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
Girl, If you were a fruit you'd be a can't-elope.
I expected some baggage with our relationship but I didn’t expect the cargo of the Titanic to come floating to the surface.
You look like my future ex wife.
I think we need to become better strangers.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Whoa, Heaven must be missing an angel! Because you’re dead to me.
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
Are you dessert because I'm finished.
You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.
Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now.
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
What’s the difference between me and your socks? I’m not yours anymore.
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
I'm not gay but I'll learn.
We should make like your parents and split.
It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
Sorry sweety, but I think I'm in love with your mom.
Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Girl its been fun
But im leaving you
We're donion rings.
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
Hey, babe. I think it's time we take our relationship to the previous level.
Hey Pumpkin, I just wanted to say that I'm done with having Halloween every day.