Girl, If you were a fruit you'd be a can't-elope.
Hey, babe. I think it's time we take our relationship to the previous level.
I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
I think we need to become better strangers.
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
I expected some baggage with our relationship but I didn’t expect the cargo of the Titanic to come floating to the surface.
"It's not me, it's you!"
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
If you take the "L" out of LOVER. Its OVER.
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
This relationship is kinda like the Superbowl LIII halftime show; I can’t wait for it to be over.
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.
I think this has been said somewhere else.
Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we’re on a serious break.
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can you do the same?
You look like my future ex wife.
Roses are red
And you gotta go
Because I found out
That you is a ho.
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because honestly, Karen, you are a demon.
Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
Are you a fire alarm? because you are really freaking loud and annoying
I think we need to become better strangers.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
I really like you. So does my wife.
You are so right. And I am so left.
Let’s make like a banana and split.
Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.