What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
Roses are red
And you gotta go
Because I found out
That you is a ho.
Are you an astronaut? Because I need some space.
It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
I expected some baggage with our relationship but I didn’t expect the cargo of the Titanic to come floating to the surface.
You look like my future ex wife.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Girl its been fun
But im leaving you
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
Hey, baby. I'm calling myself Han because you need to be Solo.
You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
Do you happen to know sign language? Because this is the last time you’ll hear from me.
What’s the difference between me and your socks? I’m not yours anymore.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
Hey, babe. I think it's time we take our relationship to the previous level.
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
We should make like your parents and split.
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
I really like you. So does my wife.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.
It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.
I think this has been said somewhere else.
Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
Let’s make like a banana and split.
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
Girl, If you were a fruit you'd be a can't-elope.
Hey baby, you know what sounds good? You and me never speaking to each other again.
What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.