Are you dessert because I'm finished.
Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Girl its been fun
But im leaving you
You look like my future ex wife.
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.
Roses are red
And you gotta go
Because I found out
That you is a ho.
You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
I really like you. So does my wife.
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
Whoa, Heaven must be missing an angel! Because you’re dead to me.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
Hey, babe. I think it's time we take our relationship to the previous level.
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
I think we need to become better strangers.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.
I think this has been said somewhere else.
What’s the difference between me and your socks? I’m not yours anymore.
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
Let’s make like a banana and split.
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
Dinosaurs represent our relationship, because they both don’t exist anymore.”
Let’s make like an atom, and split.
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?