I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.
What’s the difference between me and your socks? I’m not yours anymore.
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
Dinosaurs represent our relationship, because they both don’t exist anymore.”
Are you dessert because I'm finished.
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
We should make like your parents and split.
Hey, babe. I think it's time we take our relationship to the previous level.
The mothership has returned and I must leave.
If you take the "L" out of LOVER. Its OVER.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now.
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
Hey, baby. I'm calling myself Han because you need to be Solo.
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
"It's not me, it's you!"
Are you an astronaut? Because I need some space.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
I think we need to become better strangers.
You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re single.
We're donion rings.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
Sorry sweety, but I think I'm in love with your mom.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
You looked better when I was drunk.
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!