Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
What do elephants call their mother's sister?
Eleph-aunt.
The kids made cards for Mother's Day. I asked for a card as well, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
on Sonday.
My family is all worried about my addiction to dot to dot puzzles. It's OK though...
I know where to draw the line.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum.
I’ve decided to name my son Mark.
That way, when I die, I’ll be able to say I left a mark on this world.
Who was Shakespeare's reptilian cousin?
Snakespeare
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
What do you call Mary J Blige’s accommodating Irish cousin?
Mary O’Blige.
I met your mother on a dating site.
I don't know, we just clicked.
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
Struggle with your Children's Math homework?
Apparently it's quite common in five out of every four homes.
My grandparents disowned me after I joined the trades as a brick-layer.
They eventually reconciled after I got a promotion, but still consider me as a meh-son.
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
A man called his twin brother from prison
“Hey remember when we were kids and use to finish each other’s sentences?”
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies"
I replied, "Tell him he's very good at it as well. I don't have any kids."
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank...
Was a monster!
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
How many brothers do robots have?
None. They only have transistors.
Once a year, I take my family on a tour of various nuclear facilities.
While my kids like it, my wife says it’s just a power trip.
My wife and I have 3 beautiful children...
And 3 out of 5 ain't bad.
What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
My friend told me, “Your wife and daughter look like twins!”
I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
and the second one Duplikate.
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
And as you can see, they were Wright.
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
I just told my family a pun about bees.
It was so good that everyone gave me hive fives.
I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes a long way.
How can you tell that a zombie used to be a father?
By his dead bod.
I told my family this joke about a goat...
They said it was a baaaaad joke.
I told my son to go find out what "nada" means in english
But he came back with nothing
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children.
It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from.
It’s going to be awkward if Mr. and Mrs. Burr...
ever lose their son Tim in a forest.
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
Where do you find the nicest children in the world?
Germany. They're kinder.
Twin brothers just had a birthday
One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
What did E.T.'s father say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
Are you talking about your aunt on your mom's side, or...
Deodorant?
My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.
I said "Don’t forget your Baghdad."
What does your little sibling and Q have in common?
They will always rely on U.
I booked an appointment at the orthopedist for my whole family.
We got joint problems.
What do you call a baker whose parents are siblings?
Inbred.
I know a family of artists but I am not sure how they make so much money...
Very sketchy people.
Mr. and Mrs. Apostrophe are divorcing....
He found her to be possessive- and she hated his contractions. The marriage felt like a sentence
What are male twins inside a pregnant woman called?
Em-bro-yos.