Shoutout to my grandparents...
Because that's the only way they can hear me.
I was talking to my Mom the other day and she mentioned that none of her sisters needed the vaccine.
Turned out they already had the auntybodies.
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
And as you can see, they were Wright.
Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?”
I burst into tears. 12 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
The kids made cards for Mother's Day. I asked for a card as well, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
on Sonday.
My wife and I have 3 beautiful children...
And 3 out of 5 ain't bad.
Twin brothers just had a birthday
One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
and the second one Duplikate.
What does your little sibling and Q have in common?
They will always rely on U.
What does a baby computer call its father?
Data.
How can you tell that a zombie used to be a father?
By his dead bod.
What do elephants call their mother's sister?
Eleph-aunt.
Aunt: Aw, look at you. You've got your father's eyes
Dad: Son, where's my glass eye?
I was painting my room with my brother...
When I realised. He's not a very good brush.
Mr. and Mrs. Turner had a baby girl.
They named her Paige, and they just couldn't put her down.
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank...
Was a monster!
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
I just told my family a pun about bees.
It was so good that everyone gave me hive fives.
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator. I guess...
we are raised differently.
My communist grandparents hated each other, but still stayed married for more than 60 years.
It was a so-be-it union.
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.