Who is the penguins favourite aunt?
Aunt Arctica
A man called his twin brother from prison
“Hey remember when we were kids and use to finish each other’s sentences?”
What does your little sibling and Q have in common?
They will always rely on U.
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
Where's popcorn?
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies"
I replied, "Tell him he's very good at it as well. I don't have any kids."
What are male twins inside a pregnant woman called?
Em-bro-yos.
What does a baby computer call its father?
Data.
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
Where do you find the nicest children in the world?
Germany. They're kinder.
What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
What did E.T.'s father say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
What do you call a kid who wants to cannibalise his siblings?
A munchkin.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
The kids made cards for Mother's Day. I asked for a card as well, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
on Sonday.
I don’t have Great Expectations for my son.
I got him the other books by Dickens though.
My grandparents disowned me after I joined the trades as a brick-layer.
They eventually reconciled after I got a promotion, but still consider me as a meh-son.
My wife and I have 3 beautiful children...
And 3 out of 5 ain't bad.
Mr. and Mrs. Apostrophe are divorcing....
He found her to be possessive- and she hated his contractions. The marriage felt like a sentence
Shoutout to my grandparents...
Because that's the only way they can hear me.
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Go to sweep, dear.