What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?
Bison.
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
Struggle with your Children's Math homework?
Apparently it's quite common in five out of every four homes.
I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes a long way.
What do you call Mary J Blige’s accommodating Irish cousin?
Mary O’Blige.
My family isn't really into pancakes.
We're more of a Waffle House.
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?
Because it's in a fish aunt.
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
What do elephants call their mother's sister?
Eleph-aunt.
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
A man called his twin brother from prison
“Hey remember when we were kids and use to finish each other’s sentences?”
What do time and space have in common with family?
It's all relative.
I was painting my room with my brother...
When I realised. He's not a very good brush.
A lot of people can't understand why Daniel Day Lewis's twin brother Daniel Night Lewis didn't make it in the movies.
That's because the difference between them is night and day.
What did E.T.'s father say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
My children got their good looks from their mother.
I kept mine.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can't understand.
What do you call a kid who wants to cannibalise his siblings?
A munchkin.