Struggle with your Children's Math homework?
Apparently it's quite common in five out of every four homes.
Twin brothers just had a birthday
One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.
For generations every male in my family has made and passed on their dad jokes.
Guess you could call it pop culture.
I booked an appointment at the orthopedist for my whole family.
We got joint problems.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank...
Was a monster!
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna1, Anna2
Are you talking about your aunt on your mom's side, or...
Deodorant?
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
I was talking to my Mom the other day and she mentioned that none of her sisters needed the vaccine.
Turned out they already had the auntybodies.
My wife and I have 3 beautiful children...
And 3 out of 5 ain't bad.
A son asked his dad: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
The dad responded with: "Yes, we arson."
What do you call Mary J Blige’s accommodating Irish cousin?
Mary O’Blige.
Where do you find the nicest children in the world?
Germany. They're kinder.
Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?”
I burst into tears. 12 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Go to sweep, dear.
What did E.T.'s father say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?
Because it's in a fish aunt.