My communist grandparents hated each other, but still stayed married for more than 60 years.
It was a so-be-it union.
I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes a long way.
How many brothers do robots have?
None. They only have transistors.
I was talking to my Mom the other day and she mentioned that none of her sisters needed the vaccine.
Turned out they already had the auntybodies.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
Repetition is the Mother of learning.
So who's the father?
Daddycation.
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
Did you know Father Time is actually really good at boxing?
Yeah, he can clock you a good one.
Women should not have children after 34.
Really, 34 children are enough.
The kids made cards for Mother's Day. I asked for a card as well, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
on Sonday.
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
I told my wife I wanted to name our son Lance, but she said it was too uncommon so I explained that in medieval times men where named Lance a lot.
Where do you find the nicest children in the world?
Germany. They're kinder.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum.
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
Once a year, I take my family on a tour of various nuclear facilities.
While my kids like it, my wife says it’s just a power trip.
What do bakers tell their children at night?
Breadtime stories.
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator. I guess...
we are raised differently.
My daughter wants a horse...
But first we need a stable income.