What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
I told my family this joke about a goat...
They said it was a baaaaad joke.
I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes a long way.
Who was Shakespeare's reptilian cousin?
Snakespeare
Once a year, I take my family on a tour of various nuclear facilities.
While my kids like it, my wife says it’s just a power trip.
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
What do elephants call their mother's sister?
Eleph-aunt.
Just found out my cousin who had a stuttering problem died in prison
He didn't even finish his sentence
My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.
I said "Don’t forget your Baghdad."
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies"
I replied, "Tell him he's very good at it as well. I don't have any kids."
Shoutout to my grandparents...
Because that's the only way they can hear me.
My grandparents disowned me after I joined the trades as a brick-layer.
They eventually reconciled after I got a promotion, but still consider me as a meh-son.
Aunt: Aw, look at you. You've got your father's eyes
Dad: Son, where's my glass eye?
What do you call a kid who wants to cannibalise his siblings?
A munchkin.
I just told my family a pun about bees.
It was so good that everyone gave me hive fives.
I often tell my niece to listen, because hearing is the first thing you lose with aging.
Or was it memory? I can't remember.
Bruce Lee had a vegan brother,Broco Lee.
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
My niece called my antisocial
I corrected her with "no, I'm uncle social" Then pointed to my sister and called her auntisocial.
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.