I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...