I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
The sun is just a big space heater.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.