I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.