I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea