Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.