Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.