I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
Why do volcanoes need lotion?
So they dont get ashy.
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
I asked, "Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.