What's the sketchiest button combo on a computer keyboard?
Shift + T
A robot is eating a hard drive for lunch.
The robot's friend asks for a bite and the robot says "Sure, but just a small bite." His friend takes a bite and the robot shouts, "Hey! That's a megabyte!"
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?
They don't want to get qwerties.
I asked the librarian for the new book on erectile dysfunction.
She typed on her keyboard and said "It's not coming up!"
I said "Yeah, that's the one!!"
Today my "O" button on my keyboard stopped working.
Maybe it was a sign I should've stopped o-ppressing the keyboard.
I know when I store files, my computer gets hungry. It starts telling me about the bytes I use and how many are remaining for him to fill up completely.
Someone vandalized my keyboard leaving only 1 button.
Surprisingly, the police were more thorough in the investigation than I expected. They even asked to see my colon.
My computer's favorite singer is A Dell.
How do trees get on a computer?
They just log in.
I was conned into believing that my hotel room in Moscow had free Wifi.
I remember the ad saying: Internyet.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
Why did the spider get on the computer?
To check his website.
Do you know the band 1023 megabytes?
They haven't had a gig yet.
Why did the computer parts salesman quit?
He lost his drive.
Why did the computer spy get fired?
She couldn't hack it.
What do you call a computer that plays tennis?
A server
Playing the keyboard is...
my type of music.
Why was the old computer sad?
Because it had a floppy disk.
Q. What did the computer say to the cookie?
A. "Can I have your chocolate chip?"
I was at a funeral & asked the priest for the WiFi password
"Have some respect for the dead!" he said
I replied "Is that all lower case?"
'what's the Wifi password?'
'Its for security'
'Haha, yes, I know that. But what's the password?'.
'No, it's 'forsecurity'. All one word, lower case.'.
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?
They just ransomware.
Why do cats like computers the best?
Cuz they have a mouse.
I always love pressing F5 on my keyboard.
It's so refreshing.
Why do microwaves always mess up WiFi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. I couldn't keep the space clean.
Was going to change my password to MilkyTea but apparently that's too weak.
Q. What happened when the computer geeks met?
A. It was love at first site!
I was waiting at the hotel's lobby when the WiFi was disconnecting from time to time.
I really hated that reception.
Where are dead computer hackers buried?
In decrypt.
Why are wooden hard drives so bad?
They're all bark and no byte.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON FACEBOOK THAT SAYS "GET A MILLION DOLLARS FOR FREE" DON'T CLICK ON IT.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.
Did you hear about the Wi-Fi wedding?
The ceremony was awful, but the reception was great!
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
He couldn't get over his dead wife, so he got a new computer
Now he can processor.
How does a computer learn something new?
Bit by bit.
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
German Wi-Fi is the WURST.
Did you hear about the computer virus that was programmed by a cat?
It's considered meowware!
I hate hard drives...
...they byte
Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-O.
If you used a keyboard with built-in speakers, you would be...?
Stereotyping.
I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.
Why did the PowerPoint presentation cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
What type of blood does a keyboard have?
Typo.
What is it called when an IT person gets surgery on their fingers?
Tech knuckle support.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.
*Creating password*
"MTWTFSS_MTWTFSS"
ERROR: [Password two week]
An American guy visits a friend in Scotland.
When he arrives at his friend's house, he asks "Can I use your Wifi?"
The friend looks a bit perplexed, but then he smiles and says, "Sure ye can, she's up th' stairs."