What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Ah! The element of surprise.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.