How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.