Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars