What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
Ah! The element of surprise.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.