Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
Ah! The element of surprise.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows