What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
Ah! The element of surprise.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.