Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
Ah! The element of surprise.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars