What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
Ah! The element of surprise.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.