What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.