How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
Ah! The element of surprise.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"