Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
What are police cars made of?
Copper
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
I was gonna make some car puns...
but I ran out of gas.
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.
What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm. I decided to cyclone.
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
I was selling my bike and an interested buyer asked what’s lowest I’d go.
"About 3 mph," I said, "otherwise I’d tip over."
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian
What’s the hardest part about working as a bus driver? Everyone’s talking behind your back.
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
What superhero takes public transportation to get around? Bus Lightyear.
Why did the bus driver eat a burger? He wanted to 'bus-t' his energy!
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
I have a question for people who take the bus...
Are you supposed to give it back?
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
How do eels travel across the seafloor? By Octo-bus.
What should you double check when buying an electric car?
That your driving license is current.
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
I once had my identity stolen by a cement truck driver. It took me ages to track him down, but now I have concrete evidence.
Milk trucks always drive so fast, don’t they? You blink and they’re already pasteurize.
What do you call a thriller movie involving cars?
Suspension movie.
When I asked the bus driver for directions, it was a 'bus stop' service!
Have you heard about the guys who stole a truck full of broccoli and cauliflower? They had to really floret to get away.
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.