How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
Have you heard about the guy who stole a truck carrying supplies of disinfectant? Police say he made a clean getaway.
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
Passenger: One ticket to New York, please.
Bus Driver: By way of Buffalo?
Passenger: No, by bus!
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
Something is Wrong With My Bicycle,
it doesn't Go Straight.
Which car do sheep drive?
Su-baa-ru.
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
How do you know a car is a good price?
If it is a Ford-able.
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
What’s the hardest part about working as a bus driver? Everyone’s talking behind your back.
There’s a new movie out called “The Truck.” I’ve seen the trailer, it looks great.
What do you call a guy who only rides children's bicycles?
A pedalphile
I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
How do eels travel across the seafloor? By Octo-bus.
Bus ticket inspectors: You’ve really got to hand it to them.
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
Beep Repaired!
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
My bike chain got rusted. Then my whole bicycle broke down. It was a chain reaction.
What superhero takes public transportation to get around? Bus Lightyear.
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A taxi
There was this bald guy at the bus
He seemed really lightheaded
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
What are police cars made of?
Copper
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
A car company tried to make a submarine, but it kept surfacing too quickley
The crew got the Mercedes-Bends