What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
What did the computer say to the other after a 16 hour car ride?
"That was a hard drive."
My race time today was much better than yesterday. I was in a whole different gear.
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
Why did the bus driver take a long break? He needed a wheel-y good rest!
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
I was selling my bike and an interested buyer asked what’s lowest I’d go.
"About 3 mph," I said, "otherwise I’d tip over."
I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
Something is Wrong With My Bicycle,
it doesn't Go Straight.
Have you heard about the guy who stole a truck carrying supplies of disinfectant? Police say he made a clean getaway.
What is a car’s favourite sport?
Soc-car.
Who should drive home out of the two friends?
The one who is not tired.
What did the Wife say to the Husband?
You are exhausting!
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
I heard someone complain about the bus being too crowded, it was a 'bus-load' of people!
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
Milk trucks always drive so fast, don’t they? You blink and they’re already pasteurize.
What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?
A drive bike shooting
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
Why can't buses make friends? Because they only pick up strangers!
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian
How do eels travel across the seafloor? By Octo-bus.
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
A car company tried to make a submarine, but it kept surfacing too quickley
The crew got the Mercedes-Bends
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
How does a car tell you to get out?
‘Get out, or I shall give you the boot.’
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller