What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
Another truck crashed further down the road; this one was carrying wigs. The police are combing the area.
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
What did the computer say to the other after a 16 hour car ride?
"That was a hard drive."
If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
My Dad drove a truck for 32 years.
He was terrible with directions.
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
Which car do sheep drive?
Su-baa-ru.
Why did the bus driver take a break? He needed to 'stop' and refuel!
What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?
A drive bike shooting
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
A police officer knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bicycles what rubbish my dog doesn’t even own a bike.
Why did the bus driver go to jail? He was 'wheely' breaking the law!
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
What do you call a thriller movie involving cars?
Suspension movie.
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.
I got arrested because I left my car at the bar and took the bus home.
It turned out I was in no condition to drive that either.
What do you call a perfect submarine?
Sub-optimal.
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
A rect-angle
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
"This really takes me back".
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
There’s only one thing in the truck world that is bigger than a tow truck, and that’s a foot truck.
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
Have you heard about the guy who stole a truck carrying supplies of disinfectant? Police say he made a clean getaway.
Passenger: One ticket to New York, please.
Bus Driver: By way of Buffalo?
Passenger: No, by bus!
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?
‘We are routing for you!’
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.