How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
What’s the difference between a school bus driver and a winter cold? One knows all the stops, and the other stops the nose.
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home
I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead
What are police cars made of?
Copper
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
A car company tried to make a submarine, but it kept surfacing too quickley
The crew got the Mercedes-Bends
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
Why did the submarine driver lose his job
Old, racist tweets resurfaced
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
My bike chain got rusted. Then my whole bicycle broke down. It was a chain reaction.
I hopped on the bus yesterday afternoon. After a few minutes, the driver asked me to sit down like everyone else
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?
‘We are routing for you!’
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
Passenger: One ticket to New York, please.
Bus Driver: By way of Buffalo?
Passenger: No, by bus!
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
Have you heard about the guy who stole a truck carrying supplies of disinfectant? Police say he made a clean getaway.
What do cars play at the weekend?
Golf.
What do you call unwanted revealing comments about a movie?
Spoilers.
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
My trucker friend was super excited about his new house. I asked him why, and he told me it had a really long haul way.
Why did the bus driver go to jail? He was 'wheely' breaking the law!
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
I got arrested because I left my car at the bar and took the bus home.
It turned out I was in no condition to drive that either.
How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?
It remains in neutral.
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.
She told me to look below C level.
What did the teacher say when he could not get into his car?
‘Oh no, I have lost my Kias!’
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
I heard someone complain about the bus being too crowded, it was a 'bus-load' of people!
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
Honda is oldest car make in the world. It was mentioned in the bible!
"And the apostles were all in Accord"
A truck carrying ladders crashed on the road. The cargo has spilled over, but police are taking steps to clear the area.
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
What do all French cars come with as standard?
A spare wheel of cheese.
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.