I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
Have you heard about Amazon’s plan to make intercontinental shipments using electric submarine drones?
They’re projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
My Dad drove a truck for 32 years.
He was terrible with directions.
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
I got arrested because I left my car at the bar and took the bus home.
It turned out I was in no condition to drive that either.
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
How does a car tell you to get out?
‘Get out, or I shall give you the boot.’
Who should drive home out of the two friends?
The one who is not tired.
Why did the tricycle not hang out with the bicycles?
It felt like a third wheel
Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A taxi
Authorities have been trying to figure out how the Worcestershire sauce truck spilled...
But it's hard to say...
My trucker friend was super excited about his new house. I asked him why, and he told me it had a really long haul way.
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
What color are military submarines?
Deep navy
I heard someone complain about the bus being too crowded, it was a 'bus-load' of people!
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
Bro, are you a submarine?
Because you're so gnar.
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
A police officer knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bicycles what rubbish my dog doesn’t even own a bike.
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
Honda is oldest car make in the world. It was mentioned in the bible!
"And the apostles were all in Accord"
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
Beep Repaired!
I hopped on the bus yesterday afternoon. After a few minutes, the driver asked me to sit down like everyone else
As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
"This really takes me back".
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
49. What does a child car play with?
Toy-otas.
55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?
‘We are routing for you!’
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
Read a story about two people who stole cars driving into each other.
Must have been Bonnie and Collide
Did you know there were cars in America before Christopher Columbus arrived?
The Cherokees.
Why did the bus driver take a break? He needed to 'stop' and refuel!
How do you know a car is a good price?
If it is a Ford-able.
What do you call a thriller movie involving cars?
Suspension movie.
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk