I tried driving a truck with a trailer that was attached without using the proper equipment.
It went off without a hitch.
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
I got arrested because I left my car at the bar and took the bus home.
It turned out I was in no condition to drive that either.
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
Why did the bus driver go to jail? He was 'wheely' breaking the law!
Milk trucks always drive so fast, don’t they? You blink and they’re already pasteurize.
I had a nasty crash with a truck carrying construction equipment the other day. It really hit me like a ton of bricks.
My trucker friend was super excited about his new house. I asked him why, and he told me it had a really long haul way.
Authorities have been trying to figure out how the Worcestershire sauce truck spilled...
But it's hard to say...
I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
My Dad drove a truck for 32 years.
He was terrible with directions.
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
I heard someone complain about the bus being too crowded, it was a 'bus-load' of people!
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A taxi
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
Why can't buses make friends? Because they only pick up strangers!
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
I tried to make a wooden submarine.
It didn't go down so well.
did you hear the one about the sheep in car wreck?
it was baaad.
Why was the bus driver so confused? He was 'bus-t' in traffic!
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
Honda is oldest car make in the world. It was mentioned in the bible!
"And the apostles were all in Accord"
What is a car’s preferred mobile phone brand?
No-Kia.
What color are military submarines?
Deep navy
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
What do you call unwanted revealing comments about a movie?
Spoilers.
There’s only one thing in the truck world that is bigger than a tow truck, and that’s a foot truck.
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
Why did the bus driver laugh? He was having a 'wheely' good time!
Why did the bus driver take a break? He needed to 'stop' and refuel!
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
What did the bus say to the frog? Hop on.
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
49. What does a child car play with?
Toy-otas.
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
How do eels travel across the seafloor? By Octo-bus.
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
Why did the tricycle not hang out with the bicycles?
It felt like a third wheel
There’s a new movie out called “The Truck.” I’ve seen the trailer, it looks great.
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.