Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
Did you know there were cars in America before Christopher Columbus arrived?
The Cherokees.
I was selling my bike and an interested buyer asked what’s lowest I’d go.
"About 3 mph," I said, "otherwise I’d tip over."
My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home
I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead
How do you know a car is a good price?
If it is a Ford-able.
What did the bus say to the frog? Hop on.
As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
"This really takes me back".
My bike chain got rusted. Then my whole bicycle broke down. It was a chain reaction.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
Why don’t cars enjoy long drives?
They find them a drag.
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
I was gonna make some car puns...
but I ran out of gas.
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
There’s a new movie out called “The Truck.” I’ve seen the trailer, it looks great.
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
Why did the submarine driver lose his job
Old, racist tweets resurfaced
Why couldn’t the submarine commander get to the surface after joining Reddit?
He couldn’t get any up-boats
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
I have a question for people who take the bus...
Are you supposed to give it back?
What superhero takes public transportation to get around? Bus Lightyear.
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.
She told me to look below C level.
Why are cars so cheeky?
Because they are fuel of it.
In this day and age of technological breakthroughs, we surely can’t be far from a country song where a guy’s self-driving truck leaves him too.
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’