My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home
I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
A rect-angle
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
I hopped on the bus yesterday afternoon. After a few minutes, the driver asked me to sit down like everyone else
Authorities have been trying to figure out how the Worcestershire sauce truck spilled...
But it's hard to say...
Have you heard about the guy who stole a truck carrying supplies of disinfectant? Police say he made a clean getaway.
While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm. I decided to cyclone.
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
I banged my bike against the wall today. it was wheelie unfortunate.
What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
When I asked the bus driver for directions, it was a 'bus stop' service!
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
My trucker friend was super excited about his new house. I asked him why, and he told me it had a really long haul way.
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!
What do you call a thriller movie involving cars?
Suspension movie.
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
Why don’t cars enjoy long drives?
They find them a drag.
How is the submarine doing at school?
It's below c-level
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
Why couldn’t the submarine commander get to the surface after joining Reddit?
He couldn’t get any up-boats
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
There was this bald guy at the bus
He seemed really lightheaded
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore. which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
Have you heard about Amazon’s plan to make intercontinental shipments using electric submarine drones?
They’re projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
What are the benefits of city buses using green fuel? They’ll always be on thyme.
What is a car’s preferred mobile phone brand?
No-Kia.
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A taxi