What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
What made the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
Why did the bus driver take a break? He needed to 'stop' and refuel!
Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
Why couldn’t the submarine commander get to the surface after joining Reddit?
He couldn’t get any up-boats
What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
My trucker friend was super excited about his new house. I asked him why, and he told me it had a really long haul way.
Why did the bus driver go to jail? He was 'wheely' breaking the law!
How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?
It remains in neutral.
If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm. I decided to cyclone.
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
How does a car begin telling you bad news?
‘I hate to brake it to you…’
I tried to make a wooden submarine.
It didn't go down so well.
Have you heard about Amazon’s plan to make intercontinental shipments using electric submarine drones?
They’re projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
What are police cars made of?
Copper
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
Unbelievably there was yet another truck crash, this time it was carrying Vicks VapoRub. There was no congestion for the rest of the day.
Who should drive home out of the two friends?
The one who is not tired.
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
What do you call a row of 5 tow trucks?
A foot.
I heard someone complain about the bus being too crowded, it was a 'bus-load' of people!
Why didn't the bicycle want to go anywhere?
It was two tired.
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
What are the benefits of city buses using green fuel? They’ll always be on thyme.
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!
Have you heard about the guys who stole a truck full of broccoli and cauliflower? They had to really floret to get away.
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
did he just bust a move?
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’
A truck carrying ladders crashed on the road. The cargo has spilled over, but police are taking steps to clear the area.
Electric cars can't get exhausted...
...but they can get wheely tired.
What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
How do you know a car is a good price?
If it is a Ford-able.
Why don’t cars enjoy long drives?
They find them a drag.