What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
Why did the larger car go first?
It had the right of weigh.
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
I got arrested because I left my car at the bar and took the bus home.
It turned out I was in no condition to drive that either.
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
I heard someone complain about the bus being too crowded, it was a 'bus-load' of people!
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
did he just bust a move?
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.
What’s the hardest part about working as a bus driver? Everyone’s talking behind your back.
55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?
‘We are routing for you!’
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
I was gonna make some car puns...
but I ran out of gas.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
Have you heard about Amazon’s plan to make intercontinental shipments using electric submarine drones?
They’re projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.
Why did the bus driver go to jail? He was 'wheely' breaking the law!
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
What do you call a row of 5 tow trucks?
A foot.
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
What do you call a perfect submarine?
Sub-optimal.
Why did the bus driver eat a burger? He wanted to 'bus-t' his energy!
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
What’s the difference between a school bus driver and a winter cold? One knows all the stops, and the other stops the nose.
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A taxi
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
What did the computer say to the other after a 16 hour car ride?
"That was a hard drive."
What do you call unwanted revealing comments about a movie?
Spoilers.