Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
Beep Repaired!
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
How does a car begin telling you bad news?
‘I hate to brake it to you…’
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home
I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
I tried driving a truck with a trailer that was attached without using the proper equipment.
It went off without a hitch.
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
What’s the difference between a school bus driver and a winter cold? One knows all the stops, and the other stops the nose.
How do you know a car is a good price?
If it is a Ford-able.
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
I had a nasty crash with a truck carrying construction equipment the other day. It really hit me like a ton of bricks.
How does a car tell you to get out?
‘Get out, or I shall give you the boot.’
Why can't buses make friends? Because they only pick up strangers!
Unbelievably there was yet another truck crash, this time it was carrying Vicks VapoRub. There was no congestion for the rest of the day.
There’s a new movie out called “The Truck.” I’ve seen the trailer, it looks great.
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
What do you call a thriller movie involving cars?
Suspension movie.
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
Why don’t cars enjoy long drives?
They find them a drag.
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
did he just bust a move?
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
What do you call unwanted revealing comments about a movie?
Spoilers.
Electric cars can't get exhausted...
...but they can get wheely tired.
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
A police officer knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bicycles what rubbish my dog doesn’t even own a bike.
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
Did you know there were cars in America before Christopher Columbus arrived?
The Cherokees.
My race time today was much better than yesterday. I was in a whole different gear.
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
What did the Wife say to the Husband?
You are exhausting!
49. What does a child car play with?
Toy-otas.
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A taxi