What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
Authorities have been trying to figure out how the Worcestershire sauce truck spilled...
But it's hard to say...
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
There’s a new movie out called “The Truck.” I’ve seen the trailer, it looks great.
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
My Dad drove a truck for 32 years.
He was terrible with directions.
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
Why did the submarine driver lose his job
Old, racist tweets resurfaced
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
Why did the larger car go first?
It had the right of weigh.
I tried driving a truck with a trailer that was attached without using the proper equipment.
It went off without a hitch.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
Car puns are really tiring
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
Why did the bus driver take a break? He needed to 'stop' and refuel!
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
Did you know there were cars in America before Christopher Columbus arrived?
The Cherokees.
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
Read a story about two people who stole cars driving into each other.
Must have been Bonnie and Collide
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
Why can't buses make friends? Because they only pick up strangers!
Why are cars so cheeky?
Because they are fuel of it.
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
In this day and age of technological breakthroughs, we surely can’t be far from a country song where a guy’s self-driving truck leaves him too.
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
Honda is oldest car make in the world. It was mentioned in the bible!
"And the apostles were all in Accord"
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?
‘We are routing for you!’
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
Why did the tricycle not hang out with the bicycles?
It felt like a third wheel
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm. I decided to cyclone.
What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
A rect-angle