What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?
A drive bike shooting
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
I tried to make a wooden submarine.
It didn't go down so well.
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
A car carrying bank robbers and a truck carrying cement collided yesterday. Police are now searching for hardened criminals.
Bus ticket inspectors: You’ve really got to hand it to them.
What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
Why are cars so cheeky?
Because they are fuel of it.
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
What are the benefits of city buses using green fuel? They’ll always be on thyme.
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
What do all French cars come with as standard?
A spare wheel of cheese.
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
Why did the tricycle not hang out with the bicycles?
It felt like a third wheel
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
What’s the hardest part about working as a bus driver? Everyone’s talking behind your back.
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
My Dad drove a truck for 32 years.
He was terrible with directions.
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
Anyone who is born in a car and dies outside is known as car born die oxide.
Which car do sheep drive?
Su-baa-ru.
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
A car company tried to make a submarine, but it kept surfacing too quickley
The crew got the Mercedes-Bends