What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
Why did the larger car go first?
It had the right of weigh.
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
What do you call a row of 5 tow trucks?
A foot.
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
"This really takes me back".
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
What do you call a guy who only rides children's bicycles?
A pedalphile
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
There was this bald guy at the bus
He seemed really lightheaded
Why did the tricycle not hang out with the bicycles?
It felt like a third wheel
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
A rect-angle
Why did the bus driver eat a burger? He wanted to 'bus-t' his energy!
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
Why can't buses make friends? Because they only pick up strangers!
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
Beep Repaired!
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
49. What does a child car play with?
Toy-otas.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
did he just bust a move?
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
I have a question for people who take the bus...
Are you supposed to give it back?
What color are military submarines?
Deep navy
What are the benefits of city buses using green fuel? They’ll always be on thyme.
A car carrying bank robbers and a truck carrying cement collided yesterday. Police are now searching for hardened criminals.
Why didn't the bicycle want to go anywhere?
It was two tired.
Why did the bus stop in the middle of the street? It saw a zebra crossing.
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
What should you double check when buying an electric car?
That your driving license is current.
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
Why did the bus driver take a long break? He needed a wheel-y good rest!
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!