What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
What do you call a perfect submarine?
Sub-optimal.
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
How is the submarine doing at school?
It's below c-level
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
There’s only one thing in the truck world that is bigger than a tow truck, and that’s a foot truck.
Which car do sheep drive?
Su-baa-ru.
What should you double check when buying an electric car?
That your driving license is current.
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
A car carrying bank robbers and a truck carrying cement collided yesterday. Police are now searching for hardened criminals.
Why did the bus driver go to jail? He was 'wheely' breaking the law!
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
Read a story about two people who stole cars driving into each other.
Must have been Bonnie and Collide
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
Have you heard about the guys who stole a truck full of broccoli and cauliflower? They had to really floret to get away.
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
I tried to make a wooden submarine.
It didn't go down so well.
While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm. I decided to cyclone.
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
A rect-angle
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
Anyone who is born in a car and dies outside is known as car born die oxide.
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
Milk trucks always drive so fast, don’t they? You blink and they’re already pasteurize.
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
did you hear the one about the sheep in car wreck?
it was baaad.
Car puns are really tiring
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!
What do you call a bus full of smart people?
A Scholarship
The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.
She told me to look below C level.
My Dad drove a truck for 32 years.
He was terrible with directions.
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian