I banged my bike against the wall today. it was wheelie unfortunate.
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
Why did the bus stop in the middle of the street? It saw a zebra crossing.
Read a story about two people who stole cars driving into each other.
Must have been Bonnie and Collide
Unbelievably there was yet another truck crash, this time it was carrying Vicks VapoRub. There was no congestion for the rest of the day.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
What did the Wife say to the Husband?
You are exhausting!
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
I once had my identity stolen by a cement truck driver. It took me ages to track him down, but now I have concrete evidence.
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
I hopped on the bus yesterday afternoon. After a few minutes, the driver asked me to sit down like everyone else
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
Anyone who is born in a car and dies outside is known as car born die oxide.
As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
"This really takes me back".
Milk trucks always drive so fast, don’t they? You blink and they’re already pasteurize.
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home
I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
Beep Repaired!
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.
I had a nasty crash with a truck carrying construction equipment the other day. It really hit me like a ton of bricks.
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
did you hear the one about the sheep in car wreck?
it was baaad.
There was this bald guy at the bus
He seemed really lightheaded
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
Bus ticket inspectors: You’ve really got to hand it to them.
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
I was gonna make some car puns...
but I ran out of gas.
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A taxi
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.