What did the teacher say when he could not get into his car?
‘Oh no, I have lost my Kias!’
55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?
‘We are routing for you!’
What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?
A drive bike shooting
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A taxi
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
In this day and age of technological breakthroughs, we surely can’t be far from a country song where a guy’s self-driving truck leaves him too.
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.
Read a story about two people who stole cars driving into each other.
Must have been Bonnie and Collide
A truck carrying ladders crashed on the road. The cargo has spilled over, but police are taking steps to clear the area.
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
How is the submarine doing at school?
It's below c-level
The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.
She told me to look below C level.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
Bus ticket inspectors: You’ve really got to hand it to them.
How does a car begin telling you bad news?
‘I hate to brake it to you…’
Why did the bus driver take a long break? He needed a wheel-y good rest!
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
I once had my identity stolen by a cement truck driver. It took me ages to track him down, but now I have concrete evidence.
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
Who should drive home out of the two friends?
The one who is not tired.
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
Why did the submarine driver lose his job
Old, racist tweets resurfaced
My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home
I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead
Unbelievably there was yet another truck crash, this time it was carrying Vicks VapoRub. There was no congestion for the rest of the day.
What do you call a perfect submarine?
Sub-optimal.
I hopped on the bus yesterday afternoon. After a few minutes, the driver asked me to sit down like everyone else
What did the computer say to the other after a 16 hour car ride?
"That was a hard drive."
When I asked the bus driver for directions, it was a 'bus stop' service!
How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’
I tried to make a wooden submarine.
It didn't go down so well.
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
49. What does a child car play with?
Toy-otas.
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.