How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?
It remains in neutral.
What’s the hardest part about working as a bus driver? Everyone’s talking behind your back.
Why couldn’t the submarine commander get to the surface after joining Reddit?
He couldn’t get any up-boats
What did the computer say to the other after a 16 hour car ride?
"That was a hard drive."
Why did the bus driver go to jail? He was 'wheely' breaking the law!
My race time today was much better than yesterday. I was in a whole different gear.
Who should drive home out of the two friends?
The one who is not tired.
Why did the bus driver eat a burger? He wanted to 'bus-t' his energy!
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
Why did the bus driver take a break? He needed to 'stop' and refuel!
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
What do you call a guy who only rides children's bicycles?
A pedalphile
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
How does a car begin telling you bad news?
‘I hate to brake it to you…’
In this day and age of technological breakthroughs, we surely can’t be far from a country song where a guy’s self-driving truck leaves him too.
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
I have a question for people who take the bus...
Are you supposed to give it back?
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
Milk trucks always drive so fast, don’t they? You blink and they’re already pasteurize.
My Dad drove a truck for 32 years.
He was terrible with directions.
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
What made the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
I tried driving a truck with a trailer that was attached without using the proper equipment.
It went off without a hitch.
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore. which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
Car puns are really tiring
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
49. What does a child car play with?
Toy-otas.
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
I was gonna make some car puns...
but I ran out of gas.
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
My bike chain got rusted. Then my whole bicycle broke down. It was a chain reaction.
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
What superhero takes public transportation to get around? Bus Lightyear.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?