What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?
‘We are routing for you!’
My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home
I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead
Why did the larger car go first?
It had the right of weigh.
Have you heard about the guy who stole a truck carrying supplies of disinfectant? Police say he made a clean getaway.
What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
I knew a submarine sailor who wasn't very talkative or energetic
He was a subdued sub dude.
There’s only one thing in the truck world that is bigger than a tow truck, and that’s a foot truck.
Why did the bus driver take a break? He needed to 'stop' and refuel!
When I asked the bus driver for directions, it was a 'bus stop' service!
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
What do you call a row of 5 tow trucks?
A foot.
What did the computer say to the other after a 16 hour car ride?
"That was a hard drive."
I had a nasty crash with a truck carrying construction equipment the other day. It really hit me like a ton of bricks.
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
Passenger: One ticket to New York, please.
Bus Driver: By way of Buffalo?
Passenger: No, by bus!
What do you call unwanted revealing comments about a movie?
Spoilers.
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
My trucker friend was super excited about his new house. I asked him why, and he told me it had a really long haul way.
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
What should you double check when buying an electric car?
That your driving license is current.
Why did the bus driver take a long break? He needed a wheel-y good rest!
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
Why can't buses make friends? Because they only pick up strangers!
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’
What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?
A drive bike shooting
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
I tried to make a wooden submarine.
It didn't go down so well.
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
A car carrying bank robbers and a truck carrying cement collided yesterday. Police are now searching for hardened criminals.