What color are military submarines?
Deep navy
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
I knew a submarine sailor who wasn't very talkative or energetic
He was a subdued sub dude.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
did you hear the one about the sheep in car wreck?
it was baaad.
Why did the bus driver laugh? He was having a 'wheely' good time!
Why did the bus driver go to jail? He was 'wheely' breaking the law!
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore. which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
"This really takes me back".
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
A car company tried to make a submarine, but it kept surfacing too quickley
The crew got the Mercedes-Bends
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
Why did the submarine driver lose his job
Old, racist tweets resurfaced
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
What should you double check when buying an electric car?
That your driving license is current.
Another truck crashed further down the road; this one was carrying wigs. The police are combing the area.
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
Have you heard about the guys who stole a truck full of broccoli and cauliflower? They had to really floret to get away.
Passenger: One ticket to New York, please.
Bus Driver: By way of Buffalo?
Passenger: No, by bus!
If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
Why did the bus driver take a long break? He needed a wheel-y good rest!
What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
Who should drive home out of the two friends?
The one who is not tired.
I was selling my bike and an interested buyer asked what’s lowest I’d go.
"About 3 mph," I said, "otherwise I’d tip over."
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?
A drive bike shooting
Why did the larger car go first?
It had the right of weigh.
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again