How does a car tell you to get out?
‘Get out, or I shall give you the boot.’
What do you call unwanted revealing comments about a movie?
Spoilers.
My bike chain got rusted. Then my whole bicycle broke down. It was a chain reaction.
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
Authorities have been trying to figure out how the Worcestershire sauce truck spilled...
But it's hard to say...
When I asked the bus driver for directions, it was a 'bus stop' service!
There’s only one thing in the truck world that is bigger than a tow truck, and that’s a foot truck.
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
My race time today was much better than yesterday. I was in a whole different gear.
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
What do you call a perfect submarine?
Sub-optimal.
I have a question for people who take the bus...
Are you supposed to give it back?
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?
‘We are routing for you!’
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
I was selling my bike and an interested buyer asked what’s lowest I’d go.
"About 3 mph," I said, "otherwise I’d tip over."
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
Have you heard about the guys who stole a truck full of broccoli and cauliflower? They had to really floret to get away.
did you hear the one about the sheep in car wreck?
it was baaad.
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
My Dad drove a truck for 32 years.
He was terrible with directions.
What did the bus say to the frog? Hop on.
Which car do sheep drive?
Su-baa-ru.
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
What did the teacher say when he could not get into his car?
‘Oh no, I have lost my Kias!’
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
There are more planes under the oceans than there are submarines up in the skies. Let that sink in...
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.
She told me to look below C level.
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.