I was gonna make some car puns...
but I ran out of gas.
49. What does a child car play with?
Toy-otas.
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
What do you call a row of 5 tow trucks?
A foot.
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
Why did the submarine driver lose his job
Old, racist tweets resurfaced
Why did the bus driver laugh? He was having a 'wheely' good time!
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
A police officer knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bicycles what rubbish my dog doesn’t even own a bike.
There was this bald guy at the bus
He seemed really lightheaded
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
Ice cream trucks are pretty hardy, but they will break down if they drive over the rocky road.
How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
I was selling my bike and an interested buyer asked what’s lowest I’d go.
"About 3 mph," I said, "otherwise I’d tip over."
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?
A drive bike shooting
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore. which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm. I decided to cyclone.
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
Have you heard about Amazon’s plan to make intercontinental shipments using electric submarine drones?
They’re projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
What do you call a guy who only rides children's bicycles?
A pedalphile
There’s a new movie out called “The Truck.” I’ve seen the trailer, it looks great.