What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
My bike chain got rusted. Then my whole bicycle broke down. It was a chain reaction.
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian
I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?
A drive bike shooting
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
What should you double check when buying an electric car?
That your driving license is current.
Authorities have been trying to figure out how the Worcestershire sauce truck spilled...
But it's hard to say...
What made the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
Why did the submarine driver lose his job
Old, racist tweets resurfaced
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
There are more planes under the oceans than there are submarines up in the skies. Let that sink in...
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
My trucker friend was super excited about his new house. I asked him why, and he told me it had a really long haul way.
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
I was gonna make some car puns...
but I ran out of gas.
There was this bald guy at the bus
He seemed really lightheaded
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
Read a story about two people who stole cars driving into each other.
Must have been Bonnie and Collide
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
Anyone who is born in a car and dies outside is known as car born die oxide.
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
did he just bust a move?
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
Electric cars can't get exhausted...
...but they can get wheely tired.
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep