BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
What do you call a row of 5 tow trucks?
A foot.
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
What did the teacher say when he could not get into his car?
‘Oh no, I have lost my Kias!’
I tried to make a wooden submarine.
It didn't go down so well.
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
How do eels travel across the seafloor? By Octo-bus.
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
Why didn't the bicycle want to go anywhere?
It was two tired.
What did the Wife say to the Husband?
You are exhausting!
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’
What do cars play at the weekend?
Golf.
Why couldn’t the submarine commander get to the surface after joining Reddit?
He couldn’t get any up-boats
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
What’s the hardest part about working as a bus driver? Everyone’s talking behind your back.
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
Passenger: One ticket to New York, please.
Bus Driver: By way of Buffalo?
Passenger: No, by bus!
Electric cars can't get exhausted...
...but they can get wheely tired.
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
What do you call a bus full of smart people?
A Scholarship
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
What did the computer say to the other after a 16 hour car ride?
"That was a hard drive."
My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home
I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore. which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
Authorities have been trying to figure out how the Worcestershire sauce truck spilled...
But it's hard to say...
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
Why are cars so cheeky?
Because they are fuel of it.
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
Another truck crashed further down the road; this one was carrying wigs. The police are combing the area.
There are more planes under the oceans than there are submarines up in the skies. Let that sink in...
What did the bus say to the frog? Hop on.
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
did you hear the one about the sheep in car wreck?
it was baaad.
Have you heard about the guy who stole a truck carrying supplies of disinfectant? Police say he made a clean getaway.
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.