I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
Car puns are really tiring
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
Why was the bus driver so confused? He was 'bus-t' in traffic!
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
What do you call a bus full of smart people?
A Scholarship
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
How is the submarine doing at school?
It's below c-level
What did the computer say to the other after a 16 hour car ride?
"That was a hard drive."
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?
‘We are routing for you!’
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
What are police cars made of?
Copper
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
What did the teacher say when he could not get into his car?
‘Oh no, I have lost my Kias!’
Anyone who is born in a car and dies outside is known as car born die oxide.
Have you heard about Amazon’s plan to make intercontinental shipments using electric submarine drones?
They’re projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.
What made the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
Another truck crashed further down the road; this one was carrying wigs. The police are combing the area.
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore. which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
My Dad drove a truck for 32 years.
He was terrible with directions.
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.
While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm. I decided to cyclone.
Honda is oldest car make in the world. It was mentioned in the bible!
"And the apostles were all in Accord"
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
What did the bus say to the frog? Hop on.
Who should drive home out of the two friends?
The one who is not tired.