What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
I tried driving a truck with a trailer that was attached without using the proper equipment.
It went off without a hitch.
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
Something is Wrong With My Bicycle,
it doesn't Go Straight.
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
Why did the bus driver eat a burger? He wanted to 'bus-t' his energy!
What do you call a bus full of smart people?
A Scholarship
Why don’t cars enjoy long drives?
They find them a drag.
Why was the bus driver so confused? He was 'bus-t' in traffic!
If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
Unbelievably there was yet another truck crash, this time it was carrying Vicks VapoRub. There was no congestion for the rest of the day.
Why did the tricycle not hang out with the bicycles?
It felt like a third wheel
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
What color are military submarines?
Deep navy
What do you call a row of 5 tow trucks?
A foot.
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
Have you heard about the guys who stole a truck full of broccoli and cauliflower? They had to really floret to get away.
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
A car carrying bank robbers and a truck carrying cement collided yesterday. Police are now searching for hardened criminals.
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
A rect-angle
I was gonna make some car puns...
but I ran out of gas.
How does a car begin telling you bad news?
‘I hate to brake it to you…’
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
Why did the bus driver laugh? He was having a 'wheely' good time!
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
Milk trucks always drive so fast, don’t they? You blink and they’re already pasteurize.
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
My race time today was much better than yesterday. I was in a whole different gear.
What do you call a guy who only rides children's bicycles?
A pedalphile
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
Why did the larger car go first?
It had the right of weigh.
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
I was selling my bike and an interested buyer asked what’s lowest I’d go.
"About 3 mph," I said, "otherwise I’d tip over."
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A taxi
What’s the hardest part about working as a bus driver? Everyone’s talking behind your back.
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.