We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
Why couldn’t the submarine commander get to the surface after joining Reddit?
He couldn’t get any up-boats
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
A truck carrying ladders crashed on the road. The cargo has spilled over, but police are taking steps to clear the area.
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
What’s the hardest part about working as a bus driver? Everyone’s talking behind your back.
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
did he just bust a move?
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
A rect-angle
I heard someone complain about the bus being too crowded, it was a 'bus-load' of people!
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
What’s the difference between a school bus driver and a winter cold? One knows all the stops, and the other stops the nose.
Bus ticket inspectors: You’ve really got to hand it to them.
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm. I decided to cyclone.
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
Electric cars can't get exhausted...
...but they can get wheely tired.
Why did the bus driver eat a burger? He wanted to 'bus-t' his energy!
I was gonna make some car puns...
but I ran out of gas.
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
Passenger: One ticket to New York, please.
Bus Driver: By way of Buffalo?
Passenger: No, by bus!
Did you know there were cars in America before Christopher Columbus arrived?
The Cherokees.
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
I have a question for people who take the bus...
Are you supposed to give it back?
Which car do sheep drive?
Su-baa-ru.
How do eels travel across the seafloor? By Octo-bus.
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
Why don’t cars enjoy long drives?
They find them a drag.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!