"It's not you...it's your taste in music"
Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
"Hey baby, are you being followed? Because I've been seeing people behind your back."
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
"This isn't easy and neither are you. I'm breaking up with you."
Dinosaurs represent our relationship, because they both don’t exist anymore.”
My d**k is committed to you, but my heart is not.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Girl its been fun
But im leaving you
"I'll always remember last night, but I think we can forget about tomorrow."
You looked better when I was drunk.
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
"You're not Mr. Right.... just Mr. Right Now."
"I just can't live with the pathetic tickles that you call thrusts anymore."
"You're perfect in every way, just not for me."
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
"It's not because I don't like you, it's because I hate you."
Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
"Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?"
Hey Pumpkin, I just wanted to say that I'm done with having Halloween every day.
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye.
"Roses are red, violets are blue. We're breaking up beacause I never loved you."
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
"Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?"
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
I expected some baggage with our relationship but I didn’t expect the cargo of the Titanic to come floating to the surface.
If you take the "L" out of LOVER. Its OVER.
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
Girl, If you were a fruit you'd be a can't-elope.
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
"Look, our relationship is like doing push ups on your knees. It's just not working out"
Sorry sweety, but I think I'm in love with your mom.
I'm not gay but I'll learn.
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
"Hey babe, you heard of the movie 'Other people?'"
"Yeah, why?"
"I think we should see it."
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
"I just can't take the bad lovemaking anymore".
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
"Our relationship is like a fat guy."
"What?"
"It's not working out."
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because honestly, Karen, you are a demon.
I think we need to become better strangers.