Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because honestly, Karen, you are a demon.
"Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?"
I'm not gay but I'll learn.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
"Roses are red, violets are blue. We're breaking up beacause I never loved you."
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
You are so right. And I am so left.
Baby are you an angel? Because I'm a atheist.
The mothership has returned and I must leave.
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
"I wish I could say you were the most special person in the world, but you're not."
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
I expected some baggage with our relationship but I didn’t expect the cargo of the Titanic to come floating to the surface.
Hey, babe. I think it's time we take our relationship to the previous level.
You looked better when I was drunk.
This relationship is kinda like the Superbowl LIII halftime show; I can’t wait for it to be over.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!
"I now pronounce you dumped and single. You may now kiss my ass."
"Hey babe, you heard of the movie 'Other people?'"
"Yeah, why?"
"I think we should see it."
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
"The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you."
We should make like your parents and split.
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
You look like my future ex wife.
"It's not me, it's you!"
"Hey baby, are you being followed? Because I've been seeing people behind your back."
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
"We are like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself to fix it."
"I just can't live with the pathetic tickles that you call thrusts anymore."
Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now.
"You're not Mr. Right.... just Mr. Right Now."
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
"If it's meant to be it's meant to be....but just to be clear it isn't."
Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
"I just can't take the bad lovemaking anymore".
Hey Pumpkin, I just wanted to say that I'm done with having Halloween every day.
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
"It's not because I don't like you, it's because I hate you."