Let’s make like an atom, and split.
"I'll always remember last night, but I think we can forget about tomorrow."
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
"It's not me, it's you!"
"It's not you...it's your taste in music"
Hey Pumpkin, I just wanted to say that I'm done with having Halloween every day.
Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because honestly, Karen, you are a demon.
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
Hey, babe. I think it's time we take our relationship to the previous level.
Boy: Want to hear a joke?
Girlfriend: Sure.
Boy: Our relationship.
"Look, our relationship is like doing push ups on your knees. It's just not working out"
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Girl its been fun
But im leaving you
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
Hey baby, you know what sounds good? You and me never speaking to each other again.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!
Are you an astronaut? Because I need some space.
"It's not because I don't like you, it's because I hate you."
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.
I think this has been said somewhere else.
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
You are so right. And I am so left.
I'm not gay but I'll learn.
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
"I just can't take the bad lovemaking anymore".
Can we still share a netflix account?
You looked better when I was drunk.
Roses are red
And you gotta go
Because I found out
That you is a ho.
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
My d**k is committed to you, but my heart is not.
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You made my life a mess
Please call a clean-up crew
Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now.
"Sorry I stopped contacting you. I had to go back to rehab."
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
"Roses are red, Violets are blue. Garbage is dumped, now so are you."
Girl: Want to see a magic trick?
Boyfriend: Sure.
Girl: Poof you're single.
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
Baby are you an angel? Because I'm a atheist.
"I just can't live with the pathetic tickles that you call thrusts anymore."
"I wish I could say you were the most special person in the world, but you're not."
"I now pronounce you dumped and single. You may now kiss my ass."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney