"My cat doesn't like you."
Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
Baby are you an angel? Because I'm a atheist.
Can we still share a netflix account?
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
This relationship is kinda like the Superbowl LIII halftime show; I can’t wait for it to be over.
"Roses are red, Violets are blue. Garbage is dumped, now so are you."
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
Hey, baby. I'm calling myself Han because you need to be Solo.
Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.
Let’s make like a banana and split.
Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
What’s the difference between me and your socks? I’m not yours anymore.
Are you dessert because I'm finished.
Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
"Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you"
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
We're donion rings.
I expected some baggage with our relationship but I didn’t expect the cargo of the Titanic to come floating to the surface.
I really like you. So does my wife.
"I treated this relationship like my diet, one cheat day a week."
"I just can't take the bad lovemaking anymore".
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
Knock knock. Who's there?
You're.
You're who?
You're single again.
"Really, our time together has just become more effort than you're worth."
Girl: Your ex is so attractive
Boy: Which one?
Girl: ME. Goodbye.
"I now pronounce you dumped and single. You may now kiss my ass."
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
If you take the "L" out of LOVER. Its OVER.
Dinosaurs represent our relationship, because they both don’t exist anymore.”
Hey Pumpkin, I just wanted to say that I'm done with having Halloween every day.
Are you an astronaut? Because I need some space.
I think we need to become better strangers.
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
"You're perfect in every way, just not for me."