Hey baby, I think I'm going blind. Because I can't see you anymore.
"My cat doesn't like you."
"You deserve better and so do I."
"Our relationship is like a fat guy."
"What?"
"It's not working out."
You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
"Hey babe, you heard of the movie 'Other people?'"
"Yeah, why?"
"I think we should see it."
"It's not you...it's your taste in music"
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
"We are like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself to fix it."
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
Girl: Your ex is so attractive
Boy: Which one?
Girl: ME. Goodbye.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You made my life a mess
Please call a clean-up crew
Hey baby, you know what sounds good? You and me never speaking to each other again.
Let’s make like an atom, and split.
I think we need to become better strangers.
Hey Pumpkin, I just wanted to say that I'm done with having Halloween every day.
The Best Break Up Lines
Want to know a joke? Our relationship.
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
Roses are red violets are blue sugar is sweet and so were you... but now the roses are wilted the violets are dead the sugar bowls empty and so is your head.
"It's not me, it's you!"
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because honestly, Karen, you are a demon.
You are so right. And I am so left.
Let’s make like a banana and split.
"If it's meant to be it's meant to be....but just to be clear it isn't."
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re single.
"There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met - goodbye."
Whoa, Heaven must be missing an angel! Because you’re dead to me.