You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
The mothership has returned and I must leave.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
"Sorry I stopped contacting you. I had to go back to rehab."
Baby are you an angel? Because I'm a atheist.
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
"We are like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself to fix it."
"Our relationship is like a fat guy."
"What?"
"It's not working out."
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
Let’s make like a banana and split.
Are you a fire alarm? because you are really freaking loud and annoying
"There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met - goodbye."
You looked better when I was drunk.
Hey Pumpkin, I just wanted to say that I'm done with having Halloween every day.
Hey baby, you know what sounds good? You and me never speaking to each other again.
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
"The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you."
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Girl its been fun
But im leaving you
Roses are red
And you gotta go
Because I found out
That you is a ho.
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
I'm not gay but I'll learn.
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye.
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
"I just can't live with the pathetic tickles that you call thrusts anymore."
"Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you"
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
"It's not you...it's your taste in music"
Dinosaurs represent our relationship, because they both don’t exist anymore.”
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
Let’s make like an atom, and split.
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because honestly, Karen, you are a demon.
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now.
Honey if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put the letters "DON'T LOVE" in between I and U
"I took a gamble and chose you, now i believe I made a bad bet."
Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re single.
"Hey babe, you heard of the movie 'Other people?'"
"Yeah, why?"
"I think we should see it."
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
Girl: Your ex is so attractive
Boy: Which one?
Girl: ME. Goodbye.
Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.
I think this has been said somewhere else.
What’s the difference between me and your socks? I’m not yours anymore.
"Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?"