"This isn't easy and neither are you. I'm breaking up with you."
Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
"My cat doesn't like you."
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
"It's not you...it's your taste in music"
Knock knock. Who's there?
You're.
You're who?
You're single again.
"You're not Mr. Right.... just Mr. Right Now."
"There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met - goodbye."
It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because honestly, Karen, you are a demon.
Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
"If it's meant to be it's meant to be....but just to be clear it isn't."
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.
Do you happen to know sign language? Because this is the last time you’ll hear from me.
This relationship is kinda like the Superbowl LIII halftime show; I can’t wait for it to be over.
"Hey baby, are you being followed? Because I've been seeing people behind your back."
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we’re on a serious break.
Can we still share a netflix account?
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
I think we need to become better strangers.
Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
Girl: Your ex is so attractive
Boy: Which one?
Girl: ME. Goodbye.
Are you dessert because I'm finished.
You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
Let’s make like an atom, and split.
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can you do the same?
"I wish I could say you were the most special person in the world, but you're not."
"Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?"
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Roses are red
And you gotta go
Because I found out
That you is a ho.
Hey baby, you know what sounds good? You and me never speaking to each other again.
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye.
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
"Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you"
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
I'm not gay but I'll learn.
Sorry sweety, but I think I'm in love with your mom.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
"You're perfect in every way, just not for me."
Baby are you an angel? Because I'm a atheist.