Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
Girl, If you were a fruit you'd be a can't-elope.
"It's not you...it's your taste in music"
If you take the "L" out of LOVER. Its OVER.
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
"The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you."
Roses are red violets are blue sugar is sweet and so were you... but now the roses are wilted the violets are dead the sugar bowls empty and so is your head.
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
You looked better when I was drunk.
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
"I just can't take the bad lovemaking anymore".
I really like you. So does my wife.
Hey baby, you know what sounds good? You and me never speaking to each other again.
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can you do the same?
We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we’re on a serious break.
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because honestly, Karen, you are a demon.
Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.
"Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you"
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
Hey, baby. I'm calling myself Han because you need to be Solo.
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Girl its been fun
But im leaving you
My d**k is committed to you, but my heart is not.
Roses are red
And you gotta go
Because I found out
That you is a ho.
"You deserve better and so do I."
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
"Roses are red, Violets are blue. Garbage is dumped, now so are you."
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
The mothership has returned and I must leave.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.
Girl: Want to see a magic trick?
Boyfriend: Sure.
Girl: Poof you're single.
Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
"You're perfect in every way, just not for me."
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
"Our relationship is like a fat guy."
"What?"
"It's not working out."
"It's not me, it's you!"
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.