What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
Roses are red
And you gotta go
Because I found out
That you is a ho.
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
You are so right. And I am so left.
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
Girl, If you were a fruit you'd be a can't-elope.
It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because honestly, Karen, you are a demon.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You made my life a mess
Please call a clean-up crew
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
I'm not gay but I'll learn.
Baby are you an angel? Because I'm a atheist.
Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.
I think this has been said somewhere else.
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Girl its been fun
But im leaving you
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
Hey baby, I think I'm going blind. Because I can't see you anymore.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
Hey, baby. I'm calling myself Han because you need to be Solo.
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re single.
Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
I think we need to become better strangers.
Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
If you take the "L" out of LOVER. Its OVER.
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
Hey, babe. I think it's time we take our relationship to the previous level.
Girl: Your ex is so attractive
Boy: Which one?
Girl: ME. Goodbye.
Knock knock. Who's there?
You're.
You're who?
You're single again.
Boy: Want to hear a joke?
Girlfriend: Sure.
Boy: Our relationship.
Girl: Want to see a magic trick?
Boyfriend: Sure.
Girl: Poof you're single.