Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.
I really like you. So does my wife.
Sorry sweety, but I think I'm in love with your mom.
Honey if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put the letters "DON'T LOVE" in between I and U
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
"It's not you...it's your taste in music"
"I'll always remember last night, but I think we can forget about tomorrow."
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
"Sorry I stopped contacting you. I had to go back to rehab."
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
If you take the "L" out of LOVER. Its OVER.
Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
Hey, baby. I'm calling myself Han because you need to be Solo.
"It's not because I don't like you, it's because I hate you."
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
Whoa, Heaven must be missing an angel! Because you’re dead to me.
"I wish I could say you were the most special person in the world, but you're not."
"Roses are red, violets are blue. We're breaking up beacause I never loved you."
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
"There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met - goodbye."
What’s the difference between me and your socks? I’m not yours anymore.
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
"I took a gamble and chose you, now i believe I made a bad bet."
"Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?"
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
Baby are you an angel? Because I'm a atheist.
"I now pronounce you dumped and single. You may now kiss my ass."
"Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you"
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
Are you an astronaut? Because I need some space.
"This isn't easy and neither are you. I'm breaking up with you."
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
You looked better when I was drunk.
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.