Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy