In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...