Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.