Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.