As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.