Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.