Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.