How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.