What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.